i can not go back, things are too far changed, yet i like to steal a reflection or two from time to time from the safety of my new world. only today is something different, and i do mean different. i have no eulogies to offer or cute valedictions, just me, as i am, like this.

i'm saying hello, i love you, always have. maybe you can't hear me, but i'm still saying it - the trick is living it. i am a magician's apprentice.

its not fair for me to cultivate doubt for the sake of interest or ironies any longer, or feign righteousness in self pity. i am in control of my thoughts. i am in control of my life. i have become a person of direction and purpose. you may be surprised to know, i now ride the ships i once wished upon like stars floating on the horizon - with me waving from the dock of an emotional prison.

and i recognize and enjoy the breath caught from the brink of self destruction for what it is - an opportunity.